Last Word: Rudolph

Everyone’s favourite reindeer’s life on a plate (and nosebag)…

Let’s start at the beginning, how do you like your carrots on Christmas morning?
At last… my chance to bust the myth that we reindeer live on carrots. We don’t, because we only have a bottom row of teeth, so we can’t eat them. Goodness knows why you humans keep leaving them out on Christmas Eve! Santa ends up having to eat them all while we polish off the mince pies for him (we definitely get the better deal).

Oh! That’s a shock. So what’s your go-to guilty pleasure at Christmas?
Baked Alaska, naturally. It’s our national dish, after all!

What do you like for Christmas dinner?
I’m currently following a delicious plant-based diet of herbs, ferns, grasses, and the shoots and leaves of carefully selected shrubs and trees. Being a sophisticated type, I particularly enjoy a fricassé of birch with a side of moss purée and deconstructed willow.

What can I find in your home feed store right now?
I’m on a health kick, so it’s full of the sort of health-giving lichen and fungi favoured by my very trendy Californian cousin, the caribou. They’re always coming up with new wellness trends, and the LA Caribou calorie counter is top of my Christmas list.

What’s your favourite flavour combination?
Venison steaks with blackberry sauce always hit the spot, but don’t tell my ‘deer’ cousins or I’ll be off their Christmas card list…

What’s your least favourite food?
Oddly enough, for an animal who loves his puddings, I’ve never been terribly taken by mousse of any kind. Maybe it’s something to do with the name…

What’s your favourite food shop?
Well, Iceland, naturally, not that there are many branches out here on the tundra.

We hear you like your food. How far do you have to walk to work off the calories?
I don’t… I fly! It’s marvellous for the metabolism!

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